Dumb Things to Say in a Conversation about Race (and Why)

Thandi and I decided to come up with this list, because she especially seems to end up in a lot of dumb conversations about race. Our list starts with the obvious ones, and moves on to some more thorny issues.

(1) We have a black president, and a latino supreme court justice. We must be living in a post-racial society.

As long as there are plenty of people who find it necessary to point out the races of people in power, society can hardly be called "post-racial".

(2) I've been arrested for arguing with a police officer, and I'm white. I don't think that race is important in policing.

The first statement is merely the obvious fact that some people in positions of authority at times abuse people of all races. However, this says nothing about whether some races are abused more than others.

(3) I'm black (or Asian or Hispanic). I can't be racist.

We have heard this far more often than we can believe. Do we really need to explain that racism is not liking someone because of their race, regardless of what that race is?

(4) I have some friends who are black. . .

While it is good that someone can demonstrate that they are capable of seeing past race, would anyone really want to sound like they're saying, "I like some black people"? It makes it sound like their good feelings towards people of a specific race have to be earned. Whatever discussion someone is in, this statement won't cast them in a good light.

(5) You don't sound black, because you don't talk like. . .

If someone has only ever heard a person talk, they are bound to construct a mental picture of that person in their mind. There is nothing wrong with that picture subconsciously including a person's race. There is also nothing wrong with being surprised when a mental picture is overturned by some new information, such as finding out that the person's race doesn't match one's image.

The problem comes with the choice of words that comes next. "Oh, I didn't realize you were black," is a generic, benign statement about the fact that a mental picture has changed. "You don't sound black," is a bit awkward. However, if someone finds themselves trying to explain what a black person (or someone of any race) sounds like, it reveals that they are assuming that all people of a certain race talk the same. It makes it seem like someone haven't realized that people of all races come from every economic background, every education level, and even from every part of the world.

(6) She must have got there through affirmative action.

Race-based affirmative action has its problems, it is true. It doesn't necessarily do a good job of bringing opportunities to the poor, or to people who grew up without parental support, or to people who had the misfortune of growing up in a bad neighborhood. It also leaves open a door for people to rationalize their racist assumptions.

If someone doesn't know anything about a person's capabilities, they have no business  assuming that the person has a position because of race-based affirmative action. It is unreasonable to assume that someone wasn't able to succeed on their own merits, just because of their race. Even if someone thinks statistics are on their side, and that it is more likely for a black person to benefit from affirmative action, it is in fact racist to make the blanket assumption that the "race card" was played to get that person into an important position.

Now, what about those people who one learns through experience aren't capable? If someone sees a person who is incompetent, shouldn't they consider the fact that there are plenty of ways that incompetent people get into important positions? Perhaps their parents or friends were able to pull strings. Perhaps they slept with someone influential. Perhaps their charm got them in a position that their qualifications wouldn't otherwise have got them into. Or perhaps, like all managers that reach their "full potential", they simply got promoted to the point where they were no longer competent. Why assume that their inability is related to their race?

(7) I'm not racist.

This one is likely to bother people. Someone might be saying, "If I'm really not racist, why is it dumb to deny that lie?" They should consider two scenarios.

If someone is in an argument that they want to win, saying "I'm not racist" won't further that goal. It will only lead someone to say other dumb things on the list above. Instead, they should let their demeanor, actions, and insights speak for them.

Now consider a situation with someone thinking that they are the victim of racism, and another person who wants to say something that will help. If someone is angry, and one thinks one has been misunderstood, one should try some empathy. Humans are wired to make snap judgments about people (it kept us from getting ganked in our tribal days). Often, we can't help but leap to conclusions unintentionally, and that will sometimes inflame a person who might have been treated badly previously because of their race. If this happens and someone decides that the most important thing is to defend themselves against charges of racism, they will only make the situation worse. If they acknowledge that the person might have reason to be upset, the situation will usually calm down (this is a common customer service technique).

Now, if reading these annoys you, please take a look at the title of this blog, and take a deep breath. We don't take ourselves too seriously here.

Comments

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It is unreasonable to assume that someone wasn't able to succeed on their own merits, just because of their race. Even if someone thinks statistics are on their side